18 weeks

Alrighty folks so I'm officially in my 5th month! It makes me so excited to be able to say that considering I can remember when I first found out we were expecting and I was only 3 1/2 weeks along.. time has gone by so much faster than I realized. I still feel like December is so far away but I'm sure it will go by quickly. The days are slow but usually the weeks go by fast and before I know it a month has gone by.

I assumed that by the time I was 5 months pregnant I would look it but that's not the case. Sure, I look bigger than I used to but honestly I just look a little bloated. People say that its a good thing, which I suppose it is but I'm actually at the point in pregnancy that I wouldn't mind having a belly. I've heard a lot of women that don't really show until later usually end up ballooning right out at the end of the second trimester, I was hoping it would be more gradual but it's not like its really my choice lol. The only time I really look pregnant is right after I eat because then I really am bloated and it poofs out the little bit of belly that I have.

I have a doctor appointment in a few days which is good, though the last few appointments I've been to they really didn't do anything just took my vitals and listened to the babies heartbeat. I told them how I had been getting dizzy and bad headaches so they took my blood pressure again but I guess it was fine so they aren't too worried. I'm still waiting to hear back on my echocardiogram and heart monitor results from over 2 weeks ago, hopefully that all turns out to be just fine and it should considering they never called to tell me. Usually they won't call unless there is something wrong, but then again I didn't find out for 3 weeks that I had a bladder infection.. good thing it didn't turn into a kidney infection! Yes I probably sound a little paranoid lately with health issues but hello I am carrying an unborn child inside, I think I have the right to be paranoid about my health. I will also say UTI's can also cause early contractions, so I do have a legitimate concern. I still haven't been retested to make sure it's gone and that was over a month ago, I will definitely have to ask my doctor about that at my appointment.

So Adam has been gone for several months now. Some days it doesn't seem like its been that long, and other days it feels like its been so much longer. I'm starting to get things around to send to him in a care package, he doesn't really need a whole lot but I'm sending him some things he asked for and a few extra things to make his time over there a little more tolerable. He loves my banana bread so I was trying to think of how to make it so it would last the 7-10 days it takes to get over there. I figured an air vacuum bag or container would work but then one of the other EOD wives suggested baking it in a mason jar. I've heard of cakes and brownies in a jar but never realized I could use it for banana bread too. I will probably make one for myself first to test it out (I'm sure it will be great, I just want an excuse to eat it ;)) There is a "Banana Nut Bread Baked in a Jar" recipe on allrecipes.com I plan on using, though my own recipe is great.. maybe I'll make one of each and see which one he prefers.

How far along? 18 weeks
Total weight gain: none
Maternity clothes? just a few things for now 
Stretch marks? not yet really
Sleep: some nights i sleep great, other nights i dont sleep at all
Best moment this week: my friend kara finally being back in michigan after 2yrs in korea! 
Miss Anything? adam and deli meat sandwiches lol, and not having my back ache everytime i wake up
Movement: every day now especially when i'm laying down and when i talk to adam, its like our baby somehow knows when we're talking lol
Food cravings: bagels w strawberry cream cheese, chips & salsa
Anything making you queasy or sick: the smell of my dogs food, i gag everytime i have to feed her
Gender: not sure yet, though i did have a dream it was a boy
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: heartburn from hell, body aches all over
Belly Button in or out? in
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: not usually moody at all, mostly happy with a few sad emotional moments
Looking forward to: getting the ultrasound and hopefully finding out the gender august 3rd

Haven't had a picture of my belly in awhile.. not much of a belly yet but it's getting there <3

17 Weeks

In one week I will be starting my 5th month of pregnancy! It feels like it's taking forever to get to December but then I look back at how much time has already passed and I don't feel so bad. I'm just a very impatient person and can't wait to finally meet my little bundle of joy and hopefully my husband will be able to come home to see our baby on it's "birthday". It hasn't been easy since Adam has been gone but I'm doing alright. I have my bad days and I have my REALLY bad days but I'm a tough cookie and can handle it. Even though Adam doesn't really like that he's in a shit hole country away from his family and friends, he's doing really good and making the best out of it.

On Saturday I started my 17th week, and I still have like 160 days to go. My belly is slowly getting bigger but nobody around me seems to really notice it. A few weeks ago I began to experience this horrible pain across my belly and on my sides. That is the wonderful condition known as Round Ligament Pain.. basically it feels as if your muscles in your torso are being ripped apart. Also all of my organs are starting to really get squished together and pushed up and I feel so bloated now. Gotta make room for the baby somehow right? I always liked the quote "Pregnancy is the sacrifice of ones body to make life for another" it really is a sacrifice, there are sooo many horrible things about pregnancy that I never even knew about until recently but no matter what it's worth it and that's something every pregnant woman has to keep reminding themselves. The end goal is always to have an uncomplicated delivery and a healthy baby. I'm still trying to get used to the changes my body is making and even though there are days when it makes me depressed to look in the mirror, I know it will be worth it come December. There's not much I can do now so it will just have to wait until after the baby is born. I am however going to start pregnant yoga and also water aerobics to help stretch out my back muscles because my body just aches lately and it would help to have some sort of exercise even if it doesn't get me in shape at least it will help to prevent me from getting too big and uncomfortable. Also I forgot to mention, last week I started getting this weird feeling in my lower abdomen.. almost like a flutter or a muscle twitch, turns out it's my baby moving around! It's awesome, I don't feel it all the time but it's happening more and more lately which is great :)

During a deployment (or any life changing situation) you have two choices, grow or regress. I'm choosing to grow, and I don't just mean my belly ;) It doesn't come easy and it doesn't happen over night. I've recently began to get back into photography. It's just one of those things I've always loved doing and it makes me feel good to do something for other people too. You cannot let change bother you for too long especially if it is something that you have no control over, you just have to accept it for what it is and go with it. I'm doing my best to feel good and be happy, not just for myself but for my unborn baby and my husband. When he knows I am doing well it makes him feel better, and vice versa. We've been lucky enough to get to talk almost everyday, even if it's only enough time to say "I miss you and I love you." I never take that 30 second call for granted because I know women who have to go through months at a time without a single word from their husbands. There are times when there is no communication and the waiting is just torture, especially when you see something bad happen on the news. Being married to a soldier is hard, it's even harder in times when the world seems to hate America and most Americans don't even have enough respect for the troops or their families. If you have a problem with the way the war is going, discuss it with the president don't take it out on the troops, they don't make orders they just follow them. As the saying goes, if you can't stand behind them feel free to stand in front of them and remember, my husband deployed so yours doesn't have to. For those of you that are appreciative of the military and the sacrifices not only they make but their families make, thank you! Seriously, it's rare to hear good things anymore.

The next few months should be super busy for me, which is great because being busy is better than being stuck at home bored out of my mind! Next month I have an ultrasound and should be able to find out the gender by then. Also I think I want to schedule a 3D/4D ultrasound next month or sometime in September, they are a little expensive but I think they are worth it. September also brings back three of my favorite TV shows: Sons of Anarchy, Boardwalk Empire, and Dexter. Might not sound exciting but they are excellent shows that my husband would normally watch with me, at least I will have those shows to look forward to when nothing else is going on. Also I believe my babyshower will be held sometime in September, a little earlier than I had originally expected but that's just fine! My sister is getting married in October and I am the maid of honor :) Just got my dress and had to get it 2 sizes larger to be sure it will fit my belly by then (I'll be 7 months prego) and I'm also looking forward to Halloween. Not sure if I will even have plans for it this year but normally I love to dress up, it's always been a fun holiday for us! Our first Halloween as a couple we were in Florida and carved a pumpkin and bought a ton of candy because we were sure we would have a bunch of trick or treaters since we lived in an apartment complex that had many families.. sure enough nobody showed up so we ate 4 bags of candy to ourselves lol. Last year was much better, we were in Hawaii and I dressed up as a cop and he as Hannibal Lector and bar hopped through Waikiki with some friends. Definitely better than sitting at home filling our faces with chocolate lol. Anyway I think I'm rambling on about random things now..

How far along? 17 weeks
Total weight gain: I weigh the same as I did before getting pregnant, not sure how lol
Maternity clothes? Anything loose fitting or stretchy is awesome right now 
Stretch marks? Not really
Sleep: Some nights I get plenty of rest, but lately I feel like I can't get enough sleep
Best moment this week: Feeling the baby move around and being able to let Adam hear the heartbeat :)
Miss Anything? Being able to eat a deli meat sandwich without having to heat it up first (so I don't even bother with lunch meat anymore lol) and as usual, my husband!
Movement: Can't feel it everyday but it's definitely more noticeable this week than last week
Food cravings: Ice Cream!!
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing unusal
Gender: Not sure yet
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: Heartburn, Round Ligament Pain.. I think that's it for now lol
Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Almost always happy, as long as you're not an idiot ;)
Looking forward to: Getting my ultrasound and finding out the gender in a few weeks!!

My hubby dancing and singing to "What is Love" (Baby Don't Hurt Me) by Haddaway. I love that he always does his best to make me laugh, even from thousands of miles away <3

15 Weeks

Once again, I failed at writing a new post every week.. oops! Like most of you know, I'm a procrastinator but I am getting better. I have quite a bit of stuff I need to update you guys on, so first things first..

I am now on my 4th day of my 15th week. This week my baby's hair is growing on it's head and there is still the lanugo (fine hair all over the body) that protects the skin from the amniotic fluid. There are small blood vessels forming underneath the baby's skin. The baby can also make facial expressions and the sex organs are developing. I've heard your blood volume increases by 40% when you're pregnant, and it's very important to get enough iron in your diet or you may become anemic. Well, I have been getting dizzy spells lately and also shortness of breath which I've heard is common but not exactly normal.

Last Thursday evening I became so dizzy I could hardly walk and had to go to the ER because it really scared me and I was also a little short of breath. So after 4 hours of sitting in a bed hooked up to all sorts of machines to keep track of my vitals they finally said I was probably just dehydrated. (I'm sure not letting me eat or drink anything the entire time didn't help) Finally they hooked me up to an IV to get some fluids. It is so crazy how fast you get dehydrated when pregnant! They also did a quick ultrasound just to check on baby and it was the coolest thing ever. You can actually tell it's a baby now and not just a little blob ;) He/She was jumping around and I could see the limbs moving and at one point it even looked like the baby brought it's hand up to it's mouth. My dad was there with me and he got to see it too, which he thought was really cool. Makes me even more excited to be able to feel the baby move, which I should start to feel in a few weeks. I also just ordered a doppler machine that you can rent each month. It will be nice to be able to hear the baby's heartbeat whenever I want, it will also be great because Adam will finally be able to hear the heartbeat as well when we are on Skype.

Over the weekend I went camping in Port Sanilac with my husbands family. It was definitely nice to get away from the house and spend time with people I really enjoy being around (Yes, I actually do love my in-laws! lol) The weather was absolutely gorgeous out, sunny and warm. Though as I mentioned earlier, you get dehydrated SO fast when pregnant. I was drinking a bottle of water every hour and it still wasn't enough. I ended up having to lay down for a little bit and chug some more water and lay right in front of an air conditioner. It was Adam's neices 3rd birthday and we got her a few things, one of which was squirt guns.. well, she definitely shot me a few times with water! lol That will teach me to give a child something they can use against me ;) Later Saturday night the campground had fireworks, they were actually pretty impressive for a campground. Sitting there surrounded by his family watching the fireworks I just couldn't get really excited about it. I just couldn't help but only think of Adam and how much I wish he was there with me. It's just not the same without him. I'm getting used to him being gone but it never get's easier.

Yesterday afternoon I had an echocardiogram done (ultrasound of my heart) and got hooked up to a heart monitor I have to carry around with me for 24 hours. They just want to make sure that my palpitations, dizziness and shortness of breath aren't actually my heart, and if it is my heart at least they will probably figure out how to deal with it. Well, it's been 24 hours now so I'm taking this thing off and taking it back to the doctors.. here's my little survey:

How far along? 15 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: Gained the 4lbs I had previously lost

Maternity clothes? A pair of pants and shorts, also just got a shirt as well

Stretch marks? Not yet but I won't be surprised if I do

Sleep: I've been better about my sleep schedule and sleep at night now

Best moment this week: Seeing my baby jump around on the ultrasound

Miss Anything? My husband, as always

Movement: Not yet but maybe later this month or early August I think

Food cravings: Today it's been macaroni salad.. anything pasta!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Just when people make disgusting burps lol

Have you started to show yet: I think so, not huge yet by any means but definitely poofing out ;)

Gender: Not sure just yet, only a few more weeks!!

Labor Signs: Nope

Belly Button in or out? In, hope it stays that way lol

Wedding rings on or off? Always on

Happy or Moody most of the time: Usually happy and excited about the baby

Looking forward to: Getting my doppler machine I ordered so Adam can hear the heartbeat too

This is me from over the weekend camping in Port Sanilac.. Taken 15 weeks exactly :)

13 weeks

Alright so I said I'd be better at making a new post every week or so, I lied. I'm a major procrastinator and don't even remember the last time I posted on my blog. Sooo today I am officially 13 weeks along! That means I can rest a little easier knowing that the chances of me having a miscarriage have significantly lowered, which is very comforting because the beginning of my pregnancy was a little scary. Being categorized as having a "threatend miscarriage" is not a way you want to start out your pregnancy but since week 9 I have not had any major problems and a few weeks ago had an ultrasound and everything looked perfect. So keeping my fingers crossed that all is well with me and baby so in December I can have a healthy delivery and baby.

The past month has been a rollercoaster ride for me. Partially due to hormones making me super emotional but also because Adam is gone. He left when I was 8 weeks along and it hasn't been easy for either of us. I'm at a time in my life when I need my husband most and yet he is so far away and there's nothing either of us can do about it. This is definitely a bittersweet time for me. I'm so excited to be having a baby, I've always heard the best thing you can experience is becoming a mom and I can't wait! On the other hand half of my heart is thousands of miles away and has to miss out on every doctor appointment and milestone of our unborn baby. This is by far the hardest time of my life. It's really frustrating when people just tell me things like "well you knew how it would be marrying a military man" or "you signed up for this.." First of all, he was supposed to be out of the military about a year after we started dating but things happened and it wasn't even an option and second, I sure as hell did not sign up for this. I'm not looking for pity, but a little empathy would be nice. People really need to watch what they say to a woman going through a deployment, especially when she is extra sensitive because of being pregnant. Saying things like that are just ignorant and a good way to get beat up by a pregnant girl ;) Ok, maybe I would just spray you with pepper spray instead of getting in a physical fight. LOL joking of course.. ok done with that rant. On a brighter note I've been feeling more happy go lucky and less sick than I have been the last 2 months. I'm starting to get used to being alone and totally on my own, even though I still don't like it. I know everything will be ok and eventually work out for us. I'm so proud of the man I married and all the hard work he has done to get to where he is but I seriously can't wait for him to be finished with the military.

Anyway I have to start consuming more calories now that I'm in my second trimester. It's really hard for me to accept the fact that I have to gain weight. I didn't think it would even be something that I would think about, but it's actually been a struggle for me to make myself eat more than I'm used to. Partly because morning sickness was pretty brutal for me but now it's mostly psychological, I just have a hard time making myself get fat. Then I remind myself it's not that I'm getting fat, I have a growing life inside that needs these extra calories and nutrients and if I want a healthy baby I MUST increase my caloric intake and really strive to eat as healthy as I can. It's hard but as long as I keep the baby in mind I know I will be able to do this. I also remind myself that I will probably gain around 25 or 30lbs but I can always worry about losing the weight AFTER the baby arrives, there's nothing I can do about it right now. Also, this week my baby will be the size of a peach, about 2.9 inches and weighs around .81oz which is absolutely tiny but then I have to remind myself at the end of 9 months I'll be carrying a baby the size of a watemelon, which is terrifying. I honestly can't grasp the fact that a watermelon can come out of something the size of a tomato at it's largest.. *scary thoughts* I would like to be able to have more of a natural birth but I'm definitely keeping my mind open to an epidural and all of the other kinds of pain relievers. Though I'm still not sure I want a needle anywhere near my spine.. guess we'll wait and see just how bad the pain is. Now to distract myself from the horribleness of actually giving birth..

Here's a little questionaire I'm going to start doing on a regular basis. Stole this from another EOD wife, Julie who is also expecting her first baby and whose husband is deployed as well. He and Adam were actually friends in school together :)

How far along? 13 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: Lost 4lbs

Maternity clothes? A pair of pants and shorts, just needed that extra bit of stretch lol

Stretch marks? Not yet but I won't be surprised if I do

Sleep: I sleep so much, mostly during the day though which keeps me up all night, vicious cycle

Best moment this week: Finally reaching 13 weeks! Also anytime I get to talk to my husband is a good moment

Miss Anything? Tuna fish.. and my husband of course ;)

Movement: Nope, should feel it around August I think maybe soon as end of July

Food cravings: Changes everyday, at the moment I could really go for some Bdubs boneless chicken wings- honey bbq

Anything making you queasy or sick: The smell of pretty much anything lately, also if somebody does a gross burp I want to throw up!

Have you started to show yet: Not really, I can tell the bottom of my belly is getting a little firm and plump and my hips are getting wider and also my face seems to be a little puffy but most people can't see a difference

Gender: Not sure just yet

Labor Signs: Nope

Belly Button in or out? In, hope it stays that way lol

Wedding rings on or off? Always on

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy with the exception of being sad occasionally. Almost never moody or grumpy though!

Looking forward to: My next doctors appointment at the end of the month, hopefully will hear the heartbeat with the doppler by then :)

The most recent "baby bump" picture I've taken, this was just a few days ago. As you may be able to tell my belly is starting to stick out a little but mostly looks like I'm bloated or chubby, not really pregnant LOL

Hoping

I was trying to make it a goal to write a post at least once every month.. well I missed out on April because I was so busy with moving back home and dealing with everything on my own since my husband was gone for the month training for the Army. So here I am finally with a new laptop in my new apartment writing a new post!

The past month has been really hard on me. I know it could definitely be worse and I am thankful things aren't bad, it's just rough I guess. On top of everything going on the past few weeks I just found out I'm pregnant! I found out while my husband was gone training and wasn't even able to tell him until the next day because he didn't have a way to communicate with me. It was also the day before I was moving back home all on my own, so pile all that with my crazy hormones and I have been one big ball of emotions. I am excited and completely terrified at the same time! Really sad that Adam won't be here thoughout my pregnancy or even be home for the birth. I'm just trying to prepare myself and get used to being completely alone. It's harder than I thought it would be. I used to be so independent and could do anything on my own, now I'm completely lost on how to handle all of this and I don't know why. It's great that I have my family here, and his family because they all help me however they can but it's just not the same. This big change is going to take awhile to get used to. On a happy note I'm about 7 weeks along and am going to schedule my first doctors appointment this coming week!

Today is National EOD Day! EOD means Explosive Ordnance Disposal. Every year there is a memorial ball held in Destin FL near Eglin AFB which is where all EOD Techs go to school. This year I believe they are adding 18 new names to the memorial wall. 18 Techs who have died this year, a few of them went to school with Adam. EOD is such a small community there is always a sense of loss for the Techs and their families when there is a death because chances are we probably knew them or at least had a mutual friend. As you all know, my husband will be deploying in the near future and is an EOD Tech. I'm not ready for him to go, I knew a deployment would suck but didn't realize how upset I would really be if he had to leave. Maybe part of it is because I am pregnant and he is going to miss out on everything or maybe it's just the fact that I love him so much and want him all for myself. There is a quote that goes something like "The Army is the wife, I'm just the mistress and sometimes that bitch get's all the attention!" Which feels very true sometimes. I am looking forward to the day when he no longer is owned by the government. I have a long way to go but I'm hoping it will be a smooth sail.. This picture is from his graduation July 2011.

My First Time

No, it's probably not what you're thinking! lol.. This is my very FIRST blog. I have several friends that blog and it seems to help them when they're feeling a little "blah" and need to clear their mind. I suppose that's what I'm trying to do, sort out my thoughts and find something to occupy my time. Not sure what I really want to talk about or focus on, so pardon my random posts until I can figure out just where I want to go with all of this. I'm at a point in my life that is full of "first times" so I suppose I will start with that.

Over the weekend I became a married woman! The love of my life and I exchanged vows at a state park overlooking a waterfall on St. Patricks Day, it was perfect. We just had a very small and simple ceremony and are planning on having a big ceremony and reception next year with all of our family and friends. We've been together two years and I'm looking forward to many, many more.

Recently we found out my husband is getting deployed in the near future. Another first, not for him but for me. He's been on deployments before so it's not a big deal but for me, that's a whole different story. I'm absolutely dreading it, of course I don't think theres a wife out there that wants their man to be gone for months or years on end so I know I'm not alone. I'm trying to stay positive and think about the good things that can come of this, it will give me time to continue my education and he will be getting the experience he needs for the career he wants to have when he returns. Ok, after that last sentence I can think of about a million negative things so I suppose it's time to stop while I'm ahead ;)

So, hopefully this didn't put you to sleep or make you bored out of your mind. Thanks for reading!

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13