The past month has been really hard on me. I know it could definitely be worse and I am thankful things aren't bad, it's just rough I guess. On top of everything going on the past few weeks I just found out I'm pregnant! I found out while my husband was gone training and wasn't even able to tell him until the next day because he didn't have a way to communicate with me. It was also the day before I was moving back home all on my own, so pile all that with my crazy hormones and I have been one big ball of emotions. I am excited and completely terrified at the same time! Really sad that Adam won't be here thoughout my pregnancy or even be home for the birth. I'm just trying to prepare myself and get used to being completely alone. It's harder than I thought it would be. I used to be so independent and could do anything on my own, now I'm completely lost on how to handle all of this and I don't know why. It's great that I have my family here, and his family because they all help me however they can but it's just not the same. This big change is going to take awhile to get used to. On a happy note I'm about 7 weeks along and am going to schedule my first doctors appointment this coming week!
Today is National EOD Day! EOD means Explosive Ordnance Disposal. Every year there is a memorial ball held in Destin FL near Eglin AFB which is where all EOD Techs go to school. This year I believe they are adding 18 new names to the memorial wall. 18 Techs who have died this year, a few of them went to school with Adam. EOD is such a small community there is always a sense of loss for the Techs and their families when there is a death because chances are we probably knew them or at least had a mutual friend. As you all know, my husband will be deploying in the near future and is an EOD Tech. I'm not ready for him to go, I knew a deployment would suck but didn't realize how upset I would really be if he had to leave. Maybe part of it is because I am pregnant and he is going to miss out on everything or maybe it's just the fact that I love him so much and want him all for myself. There is a quote that goes something like "The Army is the wife, I'm just the mistress and sometimes that bitch get's all the attention!" Which feels very true sometimes. I am looking forward to the day when he no longer is owned by the government. I have a long way to go but I'm hoping it will be a smooth sail.. This picture is from his graduation July 2011.
