13 weeks

Alright so I said I'd be better at making a new post every week or so, I lied. I'm a major procrastinator and don't even remember the last time I posted on my blog. Sooo today I am officially 13 weeks along! That means I can rest a little easier knowing that the chances of me having a miscarriage have significantly lowered, which is very comforting because the beginning of my pregnancy was a little scary. Being categorized as having a "threatend miscarriage" is not a way you want to start out your pregnancy but since week 9 I have not had any major problems and a few weeks ago had an ultrasound and everything looked perfect. So keeping my fingers crossed that all is well with me and baby so in December I can have a healthy delivery and baby.

The past month has been a rollercoaster ride for me. Partially due to hormones making me super emotional but also because Adam is gone. He left when I was 8 weeks along and it hasn't been easy for either of us. I'm at a time in my life when I need my husband most and yet he is so far away and there's nothing either of us can do about it. This is definitely a bittersweet time for me. I'm so excited to be having a baby, I've always heard the best thing you can experience is becoming a mom and I can't wait! On the other hand half of my heart is thousands of miles away and has to miss out on every doctor appointment and milestone of our unborn baby. This is by far the hardest time of my life. It's really frustrating when people just tell me things like "well you knew how it would be marrying a military man" or "you signed up for this.." First of all, he was supposed to be out of the military about a year after we started dating but things happened and it wasn't even an option and second, I sure as hell did not sign up for this. I'm not looking for pity, but a little empathy would be nice. People really need to watch what they say to a woman going through a deployment, especially when she is extra sensitive because of being pregnant. Saying things like that are just ignorant and a good way to get beat up by a pregnant girl ;) Ok, maybe I would just spray you with pepper spray instead of getting in a physical fight. LOL joking of course.. ok done with that rant. On a brighter note I've been feeling more happy go lucky and less sick than I have been the last 2 months. I'm starting to get used to being alone and totally on my own, even though I still don't like it. I know everything will be ok and eventually work out for us. I'm so proud of the man I married and all the hard work he has done to get to where he is but I seriously can't wait for him to be finished with the military.

Anyway I have to start consuming more calories now that I'm in my second trimester. It's really hard for me to accept the fact that I have to gain weight. I didn't think it would even be something that I would think about, but it's actually been a struggle for me to make myself eat more than I'm used to. Partly because morning sickness was pretty brutal for me but now it's mostly psychological, I just have a hard time making myself get fat. Then I remind myself it's not that I'm getting fat, I have a growing life inside that needs these extra calories and nutrients and if I want a healthy baby I MUST increase my caloric intake and really strive to eat as healthy as I can. It's hard but as long as I keep the baby in mind I know I will be able to do this. I also remind myself that I will probably gain around 25 or 30lbs but I can always worry about losing the weight AFTER the baby arrives, there's nothing I can do about it right now. Also, this week my baby will be the size of a peach, about 2.9 inches and weighs around .81oz which is absolutely tiny but then I have to remind myself at the end of 9 months I'll be carrying a baby the size of a watemelon, which is terrifying. I honestly can't grasp the fact that a watermelon can come out of something the size of a tomato at it's largest.. *scary thoughts* I would like to be able to have more of a natural birth but I'm definitely keeping my mind open to an epidural and all of the other kinds of pain relievers. Though I'm still not sure I want a needle anywhere near my spine.. guess we'll wait and see just how bad the pain is. Now to distract myself from the horribleness of actually giving birth..

Here's a little questionaire I'm going to start doing on a regular basis. Stole this from another EOD wife, Julie who is also expecting her first baby and whose husband is deployed as well. He and Adam were actually friends in school together :)

How far along? 13 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: Lost 4lbs

Maternity clothes? A pair of pants and shorts, just needed that extra bit of stretch lol

Stretch marks? Not yet but I won't be surprised if I do

Sleep: I sleep so much, mostly during the day though which keeps me up all night, vicious cycle

Best moment this week: Finally reaching 13 weeks! Also anytime I get to talk to my husband is a good moment

Miss Anything? Tuna fish.. and my husband of course ;)

Movement: Nope, should feel it around August I think maybe soon as end of July

Food cravings: Changes everyday, at the moment I could really go for some Bdubs boneless chicken wings- honey bbq

Anything making you queasy or sick: The smell of pretty much anything lately, also if somebody does a gross burp I want to throw up!

Have you started to show yet: Not really, I can tell the bottom of my belly is getting a little firm and plump and my hips are getting wider and also my face seems to be a little puffy but most people can't see a difference

Gender: Not sure just yet

Labor Signs: Nope

Belly Button in or out? In, hope it stays that way lol

Wedding rings on or off? Always on

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy with the exception of being sad occasionally. Almost never moody or grumpy though!

Looking forward to: My next doctors appointment at the end of the month, hopefully will hear the heartbeat with the doppler by then :)

The most recent "baby bump" picture I've taken, this was just a few days ago. As you may be able to tell my belly is starting to stick out a little but mostly looks like I'm bloated or chubby, not really pregnant LOL

Hoping

I was trying to make it a goal to write a post at least once every month.. well I missed out on April because I was so busy with moving back home and dealing with everything on my own since my husband was gone for the month training for the Army. So here I am finally with a new laptop in my new apartment writing a new post!

The past month has been really hard on me. I know it could definitely be worse and I am thankful things aren't bad, it's just rough I guess. On top of everything going on the past few weeks I just found out I'm pregnant! I found out while my husband was gone training and wasn't even able to tell him until the next day because he didn't have a way to communicate with me. It was also the day before I was moving back home all on my own, so pile all that with my crazy hormones and I have been one big ball of emotions. I am excited and completely terrified at the same time! Really sad that Adam won't be here thoughout my pregnancy or even be home for the birth. I'm just trying to prepare myself and get used to being completely alone. It's harder than I thought it would be. I used to be so independent and could do anything on my own, now I'm completely lost on how to handle all of this and I don't know why. It's great that I have my family here, and his family because they all help me however they can but it's just not the same. This big change is going to take awhile to get used to. On a happy note I'm about 7 weeks along and am going to schedule my first doctors appointment this coming week!

Today is National EOD Day! EOD means Explosive Ordnance Disposal. Every year there is a memorial ball held in Destin FL near Eglin AFB which is where all EOD Techs go to school. This year I believe they are adding 18 new names to the memorial wall. 18 Techs who have died this year, a few of them went to school with Adam. EOD is such a small community there is always a sense of loss for the Techs and their families when there is a death because chances are we probably knew them or at least had a mutual friend. As you all know, my husband will be deploying in the near future and is an EOD Tech. I'm not ready for him to go, I knew a deployment would suck but didn't realize how upset I would really be if he had to leave. Maybe part of it is because I am pregnant and he is going to miss out on everything or maybe it's just the fact that I love him so much and want him all for myself. There is a quote that goes something like "The Army is the wife, I'm just the mistress and sometimes that bitch get's all the attention!" Which feels very true sometimes. I am looking forward to the day when he no longer is owned by the government. I have a long way to go but I'm hoping it will be a smooth sail.. This picture is from his graduation July 2011.

My First Time

No, it's probably not what you're thinking! lol.. This is my very FIRST blog. I have several friends that blog and it seems to help them when they're feeling a little "blah" and need to clear their mind. I suppose that's what I'm trying to do, sort out my thoughts and find something to occupy my time. Not sure what I really want to talk about or focus on, so pardon my random posts until I can figure out just where I want to go with all of this. I'm at a point in my life that is full of "first times" so I suppose I will start with that.

Over the weekend I became a married woman! The love of my life and I exchanged vows at a state park overlooking a waterfall on St. Patricks Day, it was perfect. We just had a very small and simple ceremony and are planning on having a big ceremony and reception next year with all of our family and friends. We've been together two years and I'm looking forward to many, many more.

Recently we found out my husband is getting deployed in the near future. Another first, not for him but for me. He's been on deployments before so it's not a big deal but for me, that's a whole different story. I'm absolutely dreading it, of course I don't think theres a wife out there that wants their man to be gone for months or years on end so I know I'm not alone. I'm trying to stay positive and think about the good things that can come of this, it will give me time to continue my education and he will be getting the experience he needs for the career he wants to have when he returns. Ok, after that last sentence I can think of about a million negative things so I suppose it's time to stop while I'm ahead ;)

So, hopefully this didn't put you to sleep or make you bored out of your mind. Thanks for reading!

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13